Humiliations and Inspiration- An Incomplete Journey of My Life

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On 13 February, 1992, I met Mother Goddess in my dream. She advised me to discard my most favourite items of food and food products; meat and meat products for having a long and successful life of my elder daughter. Therefore, 1 left meat and meat products including chicken etc. since 14.02.1992 coinciding with Valentine's Day.

Again, the Mother Goddess came in my dream, a few years ago and asked me to make a choice between two different types of life of mine. The first choice was simple, 'you die early with a peaceful life, but the members of your family have to struggle in their life."

The second option given to me was, 'you will have a horrible, humiliating long life; but the other members of your family will have a comfortable and secure long life. Further, if you opt for the second option, all in this world including your own family members will forget your good works for their welfare, your help, and sacrifice for your nuclear and extended family, and none will be grateful to you. Not only that, you have to die all alone at a secluded place and before your death, wild animals will eat up some portion of your body. Your misery will not stop there, since your rituals will not be done by any of your family members, your soul will have to roam near your skeleton which will be used by medical students in a medical college. After a few decades, due to an accidental fire, your skeleton will be burnt to ashes. That will be good news for you. From that day onwards, your soul will be able to move around the world; but still, you will not be able to be free from the 'painful life of a soul' till some descendants of your family accidentally visit the holy temple of Dwaraka. Again, there is a catch, if the descendant comes within the seven generations only then you will get the 'moksh (free from all the earthly desires)', otherwise your suffering will continue till the present earth completes her life. In other words, the second option has only one silver lining, your children and wife will have a long, happy, and contented life.

She stopped there and looked at me for my answer. Without much thought, I opted for the second option.

I had been a man who was always envious of everyone who was better than me in any field, till I crossed the age of forty. An unhappy man always pretends to be a happy man and following that rule of law, I also always pretended to be a happy man, and always used to keep a broad smile on my face while meeting anyone known to me. I never tried to be a singer, but I was always envious of the singers for their popularity. So was the case for actors, musicians, painters, sportsmen and politicians. But all this had changed one day when I met a popular actress of yester years who was financially in a dire state. I am told by a friend, who is good in tracking these people for many years because of his professional position, that she had to be a glorified prostitute or a call-girl for the last few years who needs a little bit of cajoling along with a few thousand bucks for a night (according to him, she was not adverse for a deal on monthly basis also). As I progressed in the ladder of bureaucracy, I had experienced to meet at least some of those so called successful persons who approached me for some small favours. However, when few years ago, I attended a premier show of an Assamese film along with the Honourable Chief Minister of Assam and the Departmental Minister, I was aghast to see that the Director of the film did not even mention the name of a respected actor of Assam, sitting in the audience who happened to be the heartthrob of 1970-80 due to some mega- hit Assamese films. I was waiting till the gentleman introduced the last spot boy of his film to the audience (flaunting all the protocols of the Government in the presence of the Chief Minister and other dignitaries), that the gentleman would thank that particular actor for coming to the premier show despite of his old age. But he preferred to thank all the people on the dais except me, (because perhaps he was not aware that I was representing the Central Ministry who had sanctioned the entire amount for his film). The fundamental of that gentleman was very clear, lick the boots of the officer who had handed over the cheque to him for his film. He was even praising miserly about the contribution of the Honourable CM sir, the Honourable Minister sir and other dignitaries on the dais including the boss of the concerned officer who had handed over the contract to him to make the film.