Entering the Grihastha Ashrama

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The daughters should be handed over to the respective rishis, not blindly, but according to the combination of character and taste. That is the art of combining a man and woman. Man and woman should not be united simply on the consideration of sex life. There are many other considerations, especially character and taste. If the taste and character differ between the man and woman, their combination will be unhappy.”

Devaki devi dasi was born in Germany in 1958 and after a long journey of searching, joined ISKCON in Sydney, Australia in 1985. She spent four years in the Sydney brahmacharini- ashrama, learning the basics of devotional life. She took initiation from Bhavananda Prabhu and later re-initiation from Prabhavisnu Prabhu. She is now a disciple of His Holiness Niranjana Swami Maharaja.

During her ten years in married life (1989-1999) she preached in Riga, Latvia, and spent adventurous years in helping to pioneer the first more organised temple in the former Soviet Union. In 1999 her husband remarried a non-devotee, and Devaki devi dasi then became a renounced traveling preacher, spending six months per year in India and Bangladesh, and the other six months in various countries around Western Europe, Ukraine and Moldova. Recently she has been expanding her preaching and also visits North America and Canada. In the past, Devaki devi dasi was also fundraising for the development of various projects and holy places in Nepal and Bangladesh.

For the first 30 years in Krishna consciousness I never questioned the fact that a mamed devotee is situated in the grihastha- ashrama. I took it for granted - after all, he is initiated, wears tilak and neck beads, and chants Hare Krishna! How could he not be a grihastha? Only in the more recent years did it dawn on me that it is indeed not so easy to mould one's family life into an ashrama: a place dedicated to self-realization. An ashrama involves a certain lifestyle where the Srimad-Bhagavatam and the holy name are the very centre - our first priority in life. Only if we build our family life around these essential aspects of devotional service can we understand it to be an ashrama. Not a cheap or easy thing to do!

We certainly would get offended if somebody called us a grihamedhi - a householder who lives only for sense gratification. Once when offering a seminar on this topic, a participant made the following comment: "Actually, we are not even on the level of grihamedhis. They don't get divorced, they may follow many rules and regulations and may, in general terms, lead a pious life. But our present level of commitment is even lower than that!" This comment made me realise how it indeed requires a deep transformation of our attitudes, desires, expectations, approaches, visions and goals in order to shape our family life into an ashrama. Then there will certainly be no question of divorce.

Our high divorce rate in ISKCON clearly demonstrates that we have some learning to do, and it is not surprising-after all, we are a young society. Most of us come from mundane family backgrounds and we are surrounded by a materialistic understanding and practice of family life. Many of us may even come from very dysfunctional or broken homes, devoid of healthy family values and affectionate bonds. We are carrying many material impressions and conditionings which are very subtle and yet so deeply ingrained within our hearts and minds. After all, we are a product of our surroundings, our association and the massive materialistic propaganda which constantly bombards us and influences our consciousness.

Most devotees in ISKCON enter married life without preparation. They don't undergo any kind of training or education whatsoever, and don't understand the importance of accepting guidance from those who are more experienced in navigating this important phase of our life. However, entering household life in Krishna consciousness is a true challenge which requires internal work based on education, systematic training and ongoing guidance. As we will discover, our mundane approach to family life, which includes our expectations, desires, priorities, attitudes and visions, has to be re- shaped and gradually transformed. How else can such transformation be inspired and guided in the right direction, if not by education and systematic training?! This is our only hope.

Book's Contents and Sample Pages