Don’t Kill Him (The Story of My Life with Bhagwan Rajneesh)

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He was the scriptwriter. And I was an actress with a very difficult role to play. All along I acted like a hollow bamboo, willing to let Him play His music through me.

As His personal secretary between 1981 and 1985, and the second-in-command of His organization, Ma Anand Sheela enjoyed an enviably close relationship with Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh.

Bhagwan called upon her when He wanted to discuss personal issues, crucial administrative matters, run minor errands, and to even place an order for a new Rolls-Royce. Ma Sheela was His confidante, His closest aide, the person He trusted more than anyone else. She ruled the entire commune under His guidance... until differences crept up.

What followed next, soon became part of Bhagwan's infamous history, as after years of loyal service, Ma Sheela resigned from her position, left the commune, and fled to Europe with fellow members. An infuriated Rajneesh wasted no time in accusing her of planning a bio-terror attack, conspiring to murder important public officials, and running away with fifty-five million dollars. Ma Sheela pled guilty to some of the charges in court and spent thirty-nine months in prison.

Now, almost two decades later, Ma Sheela, still in love with Bhagwan and His teachings, finally tells her side of the story, claiming that the truth was very different, and sheds light on that part of Bhagwan's life which has so far been shrouded in a cover of secrecy and darkness...

This is a book about my life and work with Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh. My loving father encouraged me to write it. It documents my experiences, my observations, my feelings and my life while I was working with Bhagwan as His personal secretary.

I hope this book serves to fill in gaps created by Bhagwan's disciples, who have so far eliminated all references to the period in Oregon from His biographies. To fully understand the man that Bhagwan was, it is important to examine His actions honestly and from all dimensions. As His secretary and a confidant carried out His every wish and command, I had the opportunity to closely observe His actions as well as the motives behind them. I was able to understand His grand vision and to see His immense talent, drive and awesome power. I also witnessed His manipulative side, His vengefulness, and His failings as an ordinary human being.